Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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