I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
