my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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