just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
