so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
