Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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