are you still at the devil's house?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
