So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
