So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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