yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
