I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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