His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
