oh god the rape fog is back!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
