they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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