I could have mohawked her pubes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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