also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
