So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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