Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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