as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
