And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
