Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
