he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
