I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
