Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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