First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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