So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
