NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
