I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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