My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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