There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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