Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
