She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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