yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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