My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
