"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
