I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
