I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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