They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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