My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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