why didn't you poke me back
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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