wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
