She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am naked and annoyed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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