she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
