Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
