i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
