Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
