Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
