I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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