I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
