I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
