I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
