I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
