ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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