you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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