I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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