I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
