I got chris browned last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
