32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
