woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
