Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
