and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
