i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
