so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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