So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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