shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
