i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
