mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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