Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
