ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
