I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
