i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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