Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
