Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
