I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
