is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
