New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
