It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
