Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
