People in love make me want to vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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