So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
