Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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