he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
