I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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