So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and she was petting her beer can
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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