Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
