Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
