Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
