She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
