kristin has been a bad kristin
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We have started to decorate penises.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
